Thursday, February 2, 2017

I'm going to the doctors today.

Dear Doctor.
I've decided to write it all down. There's so much that feels wrong, nothing seems to be serious, but altogether I feel like crap all the time. I can't remember the last time I got thru a pain free day.

I suffer with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and I don't like going out. I shy away from responsibility and I hate having to be the one to make a decision. Some days I can't deal with people. Anybody, including family. I want them all to just shut up and go away. A lot of people make me feel angry. I'm on medication for this. I used to take three capsules a day. Now I take two on even days and one on odd days. I'm trying to get down to one a day. Symptoms all seem the same, no apparent increase or reduction.

I am always tired. The smallest activity makes me exhausted. I even have to have a rest/lay down after showering. I sleep a lot. Some days I just cannot stay awake, can't even hold my eyes open. My longest sleep was more than fifty hours, only waking for toilet breaks. Am not a morning person.
I have no energy, no stamina. I cannot walk or stand for long. It's got worse since I stopped working, Altho, I did used to have to force myself to get up and go to work most days there towards the end.

I get the shakes sometimes. Usually in the hands, can't hold a cup of water. Sometimes my head wobbles slightly. I also get a snap shut action in the jaw without any warning. Usually bite the side of my tongue when this happens. Left eye sometimes winks for 10-15 mins.

Full body jerks during sleep. Sometime come as a series of 4-5. Spasm enough to fully wake me up.

Please treat me as an ordinary person, don't put all my troubles down to being overweight. I have done the diet circus to the point of feeling suicidal. I have heard 'the fat lady lecture' so many times I could scream.

Starting at the feet.
Cramps, sometimes really bad. Both feet but not at the same time.
Also a different pain in the arches as though I have stepped on a big stone. Goes away after a few mins. Usually the left foot. 
Ankle both ache. Both have been injured multiple times. I often 'roll' an ankle when just walking.
Legs
Calves of both legs cramp at times. 
Both knees have been injured in the past. 
Right knee gives me the most trouble now. It feels 'wobbly' all the time and I don't trust it. It aches even when in bed. 
Left knee feels tender on the front. Last injury on this one in a fall in 2014.
A degree of numbness in left thigh, less troublesome since stopped working.
Hips. 
Both ache sometimes, usually after walking or standing for a time. Shopping will do it. A painful 'catching' feeling with each step.
Right hip aches all the time. Keeps me awake sometimes. Sometimes hard to get it to move to take first step. If feels like it is grinding sometimes and I feel as if it is shorter than the other, it's like walking without a shoe all the time.
Occasional pain in groin when walking. Had suspected hernia checked out when it was really bad but none.
Back
lower back pain, both sides, in the 'dimple' area above the bum. That awful ,'catching' feeling often. 
Can't stand for long. Have had herniated discs on the left side, but most of recent back pain comes from right side now.
Sometimes feel like someone has thumped me hard in the middle of my back.
Chest
sometimes feels as if my heart is missing a beat then racing to catch up.
Sometimes get a feeling in my sternum as if I have been punched there. 
Sometimes sharp pin prick pain in armpit breast area that throbs in time with Heart beat. 

Shoulders and neck.
neck sometimes feels too weak to hold my head up. Have got a 'functional abnormality' from a whiplash in car accident back in 70s. 
Throat feels as if I have something stuck in it all the time. Always feels as if it needs clearing. I have choked to the point of having to have himelich manoeuvre admisnistered three times.
Right shoulder always aching and pain level goes up and down. Makes it difficult to turn in bed, or get up out of bed, or get up out of an armchair. 
Left shoulder aches sometimes. Never as bad as the right. 
Burning sensation in both shoulder blades area, right being more often.
Arms
right arm aches all over most of the time, feels heavy and 'dead'. If that sensation was happening in my left arm I would call an ambulance.
right elbow has 'tennis elbow' injury which reoccurs for no reason at all as far as I can see. I often wear a strap.
Both arms get a strained muscle feeling in them at unexpected times for no apparent reason.
Both wrists ache. Both broken as a child. Both sprained as an adult. 
Hands and fingers ache. Multiple breaks in both in the past.
Head.
occasional head spins.
often wake up with a headache. 
I don't get as many severe headaches and vomiting migraines as I did for most of my life.
I do get zigzaggy lines around the edge of my sight when a migraine is about to happen and taking heavy duty disprin at this stage usually stops the progression to a full on headache.
Constant ringing in ears. Volume varies. I can hear my heartbeat most days. This has been happening for years and years. I've just learned to live with it. 
Itchy inside ears. Worse when ears are warm.
Squiggles in eyes all the time.
Nose bleeds after sneezing or blowing it, sometimes. 
Skin
dry and itchy most of the time. It's not anything to do with soaps or shampoos and such. 
I get pin-pricks of pain, mostly on my legs. Makes me think it's an insect biting me, but there is never anything there. The location and intensity varies. 
Sometimes it's as if a pencil has been driven into my flesh. 
Often my skin feels as if there is millions of ants crawling over me. Or one single ant in a particular place, so I scratch and straight away there's another ant somewhere else. 
Basically, I itch all the time, And Altho I resist scratching during waking hours, I scratch frantically in my sleep to the point of where I will have blood under my fingernails, and have scars to show for it.
My skin is extremely sensitive to direct sunlight. Just 10 mins in the morning sun will start me itching. 
I sweat a lot. 

I'm going nuts. 
Help me.



1 comment:

  1. You must go to your doctor or local hospital with your list of symptoms. Being able to hear your heartbeat in your ears is not necessarily a minor symptom. Surely some of these symptoms are clustered/related and should lead to a diagnosis and treatment plan. Even if some of these symptoms are merely the normal outcomes of a long life they are impacting your day to day existence and need to be addressed.

    I have no medical education nor training but I urge you to get to your local medical practitioners with your information sooner rather than later.

    Joanne in MA

    ReplyDelete